


Side Love

by lilous_ritts



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilous_ritts/pseuds/lilous_ritts
Summary: This story is about the confused Marcus trying to cope with the fact that he overreacted and caused a problem with his friend only to realize that he shouldn't have let his feelings get in the way and instead chooses to regret the entire incident and possibly ruin his friendship.





	1. A Conflict

**Author's Note:**

> So hey? This is a story I've posted on multiple platforms because it was short and because well I just wanted to post it on other platforms. I finished the first two chapters in two days or maybe three I'm not really sure now because I wrote both of them at four in the morning and when I re-read both of them I was so confused at how I made so many errors?? But yeah, enjoy?

As I was walking towards the school's entrance I kept getting pushed by distracted people and their groups of friends and they certainly didn't care to notice when they just pushed someone out of their way. People these days, I swear.. I grumbled quietly to myself trying to make my way to the hallway with my locker then I felt hands covering my eyes, which at first scared me to death that I ended up jumping at the touch. "Guess who.." The familiar voice said in a teasing tone and me nor the voice seemed fazed by the snickering and whispers by the passerby's so I continued on with the conversation.

"Hm, I'm not sure could you give me a hint stranger?" I slightly smiled to myself as he dramatically sighed. "Oh I don't know, I've known you since fucking **kindergarten** and we've been best friends ever since? Is that a good enough hint for you shorty?" I then started laughing while gently removing the hands to properly greet Jason. Also known as my best friend, always has been and always will be. "Hi Jason, I presume that you'll continue doing this every other morning?" I said with a smirk making it's way to my round lips causing Jason to smile mischievously at me and a slight roll of his eyes. "Well duh, that's how we met each other it's only natural to keep the tradition going." I smiled widely at his response and we began walking to our lockers until we started talking again.

"So, I heard you were gonna ask someone to the dance this Friday are you still gonna ask her?" I said with impatience and worry filling my voice and he responded nonchalantly with, "Who? Marcelle?  Of course I am, she's totally my type **and** she's single, I can get lucky at the dance if you know what I mean.~" He nudged my shoulder as I turned towards him and he gave me this stupid smirk and I just couldn't keep it from happening and I hadn't been thinking straight so I stopped completely and then **slap!** I gave him a disgusted look and didn't care to notice the people that saw and stopped to watch but the look he gave me wasn't a look of confusion or shame but of anger and that caused me to run. Just aimlessly run away from the people. From the looks. From Jason. I didn't hear him running after me or calling my name but that was probably because my worries started to force their way into my head and my ears had just stopped working at that point in time.

As I was starting to slow down because of the fatigue getting to me I started to faintly hear the incoming footwork behind me that's when I wave of all different emotions started to make their way up. Anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, happiness and the most recognizable one being **jealousy**. So I started to walk at a fast pace hoping that my feet could move fast enough so that Jason would either stop wasting his time or just give up. But to my dismay that wasn't the case at all instead the footsteps came up right behind me and his hands forcefully turned me around and he was almost out of breath but still was breathing fairly easily so I just stood there with fear making up my face conspicuously while silently standing there with his hands on my shoulders waiting for him to speak and trying to look at anything else but Jason.

"What... The..  Hell." His voice sounded raspy and deep so it struck my ears and I turned my face quickly to the right watching Jason stare at me intently as I know was a worried and terrified mess. He coughed slightly only making me jump and then he spoke again. "Marcus, why the fuck did you slap me in front of so many people!" I started to lift my hands so I could cower behind them but Jason grabbed them and tried to look me in the face but I only let my fear and stubbornness take over and I just continuously looked away and closed my eyes somewhere while doing so and in frustration Jason grabbed my face with force and looked me directly in my eyes and to my surprise his eyes weren't filled with anger or hatred instead they looked worried and apologetic which caused my stomach to twinge with guilt and my face to look sullen.

"Marcus, please tell me why you did that? I hope Marcelle didn't see.." And within mere seconds I shoved him off and backed slowly away. "You're such a.. Such a.. A dense asshole!" I've never really cussed before but I let my emotions get in the way and that caused me to almost just almost be found out but he just yelled back. "What are you talking about?! Seriously, what the actual fuck has gotten into you all of a sudden?" He started to move forward but I only continued to back away and let my face fill with guilt and color. "Please for the love of God Marcus, stop being such a stubborn asshole and just tell me what's wrong!" He had realized what he said and froze just as I did as I lowered my head and that's when the unexpected tears started rolling off my cheeks and my hands balling into fists tightly. I didn't speak and I didn't intend to now all I felt like doing was leaving him to stand alone in the hallway and me going home to either cry my eyes out or punch something over and over again. I was pissed.

"Dude, shit.. I'm sorry I didn't mean that I swear." His voice pleaded trying to make his sorry excuse of an apology but then I lifted my head and saw a shocked look take over his face and he started to make his way over to me rather quickly but before he could do anything I shoved him off and just walked away. Not caring what he looked like. Not caring how he felt and if he was chasing me or not. I just wanted to leave.

I wiped away the few tears that were still there and pulled out my phone and called my mom to see if I could actually leave today. Click! "Hello? Dear?" Her voice strained when she spoke. "Um hi mom.. I-I was just wondering if I could come home today.." She was silent for a moment before she cooed in response. "Alright honey, just once you get home tell me what happened alright? And this is just a one time thing alright." I whimpered and nodded in response then I hung up and just swung my hand down and let it still. I was acting stupid I know, and I know for a fact I was acting dramatic but it just hurt I guess it's not like Jason cared since he didn't even come running after me again but I don't know why he'd still care, he should be pissed off. I laughed bitterly to myself and started walking out of the school and onto the pavement feeling the warm air hit my skin. I'm just selfish..

I sluggishly walked down the concrete path feeling like absolute dread and feeling the heat become hotter by the minute which in my case made me regret walking back home because it left me alone with my thoughts which is never a good thing. I hate how I reacted I should've just been mature in that situation and let the whole ordeal slide but I was sick of him gawking and talking about Marcelle like that and I hated that he was just talking about her in general.

I lifted my head and saw that I was on my street and only a few minutes away from the house when the full throbbing headache started and unfiltered face started to appear. 'Why did it have to be so hot at eight in the morning' I groaned in frustration and finally made it to the small house that had been too far away for my liking from the school but greatly enough too far away for anyone to actually chase after someone. Once I walked onto the small porch that had been accompanied by a lonesome chair I opened the dark mahogany door and was relieved when I felt the cold air vanquish my heated skin but then I heard the light footsteps of my mom coming from a room on the side with a worried look on her face. "So hun, why exactly did you come home?" I rehearsed a good excuse in my head a couple times but I just froze up. "I wasn't feeling too good when I got there.. And I just.." My mouth tensed up and I wasn't speaking anymore but all my mom did was ruffle my hair and smile at me. "Please make sure you get your work tomorrow, alright?" I nodded in agreement and ran past her and made a quick retreat into my room making sure to lock it cause I was in no mood to have her, or anyone for that matter, to barge into my room or check up on me.

I threw my bag down and clumsily sprawled myself on my stomach onto my bed only to feel a small pit in the bottom of my stomach and it twinged with regret and worry and my face started to scrunch up trying to push back the stupid unnecessary tears since there was no use in crying and absolutely no reason to cry. I'm just being dramatic and difficult again. I'm always this way and I always have been but I guess today proved I couldn't handle it anymore and I really can't. I hate that all he ever talks about is some girl that he barely knows in such a way to make even my stomach tense up, I even know that she's in no mood for a relationship and hates when people try to make themselves apart of her life. Jealousy is the worst..

I was laying down in the silence and before I knew it I slowly started to drift off but that's when the weird dream started to play out and I, for some reason, couldn't wake up when I tried and tried so hard to.

Heavy footsteps were heard pacing across the ground behind my locked door and they didn't seem to stop just **step.. step.. step..** over and over again. Step.. And then they stopped and froze in place and the knob of the door started to turn and the person behind the movement realized that they couldn't open it once the lock had been working it's purpose and keeping out the random stranger and I just laid there watching the knob twist and turn in frustration and then I found myself getting up from the bed and walking towards the ominous door then once I reached it I placed my hand on the cold metal and turned to unlock it and once I did I backed away from the door and waited to see what would happen and I waited like that for what seemed to be eternity until finally as the door slowly opened I held my breath when I saw Jason standing in the door frame and I could hear my heart pounding with such intensity I could hear it so clearly and feel the pressure of it's movement. He didn't move at first then he suddenly lunged forward and he looked at me but it was more like he was staring straight through me and we just stood there and stared each other doing absolutely nothing.

My eyes shot open just as my breathing hitched and tears were clouding my sight then those subtle tears turned into a terrible sob I couldn't stop it with how much I tried to and I couldn't understand why I was the one crying when in all actuality all I did was cause this. I caused the drift and the anger today and all he was trying to do was help and understand why I was acting out. Why I had gone from happy to pissed off within seconds. I let my feelings control me for the first time since I even harbored them and I regret it and I know that he will never put this behind him he's just the type of person to live on with every single memory and event that has ever happened whether they were good or not and I hate that he'll remember this.

**Ping!** I heard my phone go off and I didn't want anything to do with it all I wanted to do was throw it against the wall and watch it shatter into a million pieces it'd be better than hearing that irritating sound of someone trying to be social and get a hold of a person that was in no mood for human interaction. **Ping!** It went off again and I didn't even move I just stayed in the same position as I calmly breathed in and out with an undisturbed look on my face just looking straight ahead watching a clock slowly tick away and time barely moving. I didn't hear the phone go off again for awhile it was now 12:30 and school was almost out; Just three more hours until all of the students left. Three more hours till the loud cheers and loud talks between friends would finally be able to converse again. Three more hours till Jason would be out and either leaving me completely alone to sulk in the darkness of my room or to inconvenience me by coming to my house in a rush. I hoped neither would happen.


	2. Face-To-Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sulking and talking (Yelling..) are in this chapter, that's basically the gist of the whole chapter and I'm surprised I wrote 3,000+ words at four in the morning..

I still had been on my small bed but I had to change the position from sprawled onto the whole bed and starting to get uncomfortable, to sitting and hugging my legs to my chest. I kept hearing notifications from my phone for awhile but they soon faded and were no longer flooding in and I wasn't sure as to who it was since I hadn't even bothered to check but I had a pretty clear idea of who it could of been.

Tick tick tick.. The clock continued it's usual annoying sound and made me realize how quiet it had been and I had focused so clearly on how I behaved and how problematic I had been this morning. I placed my head onto my knees and just sighed slowly waiting for something to happen. Anything really. A soft knock was heard at my door which startled me and almost made me fall off of my bed. "Sweetheart? Are you alright?" I grumbled and placed my feet onto the hardwood floor and placed my hands on the edge of my bed. "Yeah mom, I'm fine just a little tired I guess.." I heard her shuffle around a minute and thinking of a response which I was anticipating to hear because I just wanted her to leave, as rude as that sounds, but she doesn't have to deal with me acting all self-centered and I know she was just trying to help at that moment but for me it just seemed as though she was becoming a busybody. "Oh, well if you say so.. I'm here if you need to talk about anything. Also! I got a call a few minutes ago from Jason-" My heart jumped to my throat and my body acted on it's own by falling onto the floor and fumbling upwards towards the door and swinging the door open and my mom just stood there with a shock-ridden face while she slowly moved her eyes towards me.

"Jason.. And he said that he wanted to come.. over so I said of course.." She slowly stated and I visibly became tense and my hands started shaking but she continued on. "The reason he wanted to come over was because of something that happened early in the morning today. What happened exactly? He sounded pretty uneasy." I nervously laughed and place my hand on my shoulder visibly starting to freak out by the minute and my mom took notice and placed her hands on my shoulders in a comforting and worried manner. "I.. Well I- slapped.. Jason.." I panicked as soon as the words slipped from my mouth without much explanation and she didn't become angry at the sudden confession she just sort of let the words hit the back of her mind till she fully got the gist of the situation and all that came out of her mouth was a quiet 'Oh..'

"I well, I slapped him for a reason! Or more like I overreacted? I'm not sure anymore mom.." My brow furrowed as her gaze reached me once more and then she suddenly knelt down and cupped my cheek with her hand and lovingly rubbed her thumb across my skin. "Well, I hope that for whatever reason you did that was a good reason because I don't want to have to deal with his mom complaining that his best friend slapped him for no reason." She gave out a small heartfelt laugh and watched as my face turned from a distressed face to a small smile and let out a small laugh. "Well.. The reason I slapped him was because he was talking about this girl in a way I didn't really like and he's done it before I just didn't do or say anything about it till now which is what confuses me. But mom, I really don't want to talk to him or see him anytime soon." She gave a saddened look but eventually she complied and decided to not push me into doing anything that might upset Jason and I further. "Just remember sweetheart, don't push him away when he tries to talk to you I know you better than that so just be cautious and try to set aside of what happened and let the present you figure it out because I've never seen you this upset for a long while."

I nodded and hugged her lightly while she tenderly hugged me back, and for the first time all day I felt a little better. We pulled away and I made my way back into my room and closing the door after. Then it dawned on me; Jason is coming over still. Oh no.. And just as the nerves were starting to settle in the sound of my phone startled me enough out of my daze. I walked over to the simple bed and picked up my phone and once I turned it on and saw that I had multiple messages from the same person, Jason. I unlocked my phone and instantly regretted it once I read most of his messages.

/12:22 PM; Jason- Dude where the fuck are u?/

/12:24 PM; Jason- answer me dammit/

/12:35 PM; Jason- why are you ignoring me??/

/1:12 PM; Jason- Im coming over in a little/

My face fell and I decided not to respond to the messages and instead had started to put my shoes on in a hurry and grabbing both my phone and earbuds in case I were to come into contact with him and he'd just leave. I shook my head because Jason was too stubborn for that. I sat straight up and braced myself to sit in my bedroom for two more hours because I had a slight sense of hope he wouldn't show up and would just forget about it to just hang out with some girl or his other friends. 'Yeah, definitely..' I rubbed both of my hands across my face in irritation and wished that I hadn't acted on my impulse.

"But **no** , I just **had** to become jealous and almost admit my stupid feelings because of some stupid thing I had to do! Why can't I be a normal friend?" I said in a mocking tone and resisted the urge to pull out my hair in the process of my bitter rant.  'What time is it now?' I reluctantly picked up my phone and turned it on to reveal it was only 2:30. Wait, it's almost the end of school and I'm still here. I instantly got up from my bed and burst through my door and was greeted by my mom walking by with a small smile making her way to her lips.

'I still have 30 minutes, I can just sit on the couch for a little and then I can bolt out of the front door when school actually gets out. That works to some degree..' I looked up at the ceiling and called out for my mom. "Hey mom, I'm gonna go out for a bit in a few minutes, is that alright?" She poked her head from behind the corner and nodded but instantly stopped me from getting up as she spoke in a beckoning tone. "Why don't you just stay put here? And I don't know, maybe try not to avoid Jason in a really dramatic way. Besides, if he saw you running out the door or leaving he'd just follow you because that's just how Jason is." She gave me a sly smile and for probably the millionth time, she was absolutely right. " **Fine** , I'll just sit here then.." She turned back around and continued to do whatever she was doing.

I was about to break down from the anxiety piling up, because in a few short minutes the guy I didn't want to see would be coming to my house to either freak out on me or tell me to never talk to him again, and sure it sounds unrealistic since we've been friends for so long, but it's a possibility that I wouldn't be surprised by. I slipped my phone out and lazily lifted it above my head; 10 more minutes of sitting here. I shook my head while pushing myself up off the couch and went for the front door. "Sorry mom, but I'm leaving! So if Jason does come here tell him I left." I yelled out and went out the door and began walking to wherever I could. At first I comfortably strolled on the sidewalk looking up at the sky with a blank expression.

'Is it three yet?'

'Is he at my house right now?'

'Is mom telling him I left and now he's chasing after me?!'

I shifted my body around and found that I was still alone on the sidewalk and I noticed that there really wasn't anyone around for that matter. It was odd to see nobody around even the owners of some of the houses on my street weren't around. I sighed and focused my attention and thoughts on the ground beneath me trying to push the questions and theories out of my head and tried to get farther and farther away from my house.

'I think you're making a mistake, are you sure you aren't just being a coward?'

I always have to chastise myself.. Of course I'm being a coward, but who cares? Everyone is a coward at some point in time whether they actually having a decent reason for being one or they're just running away from more problems which could result in a bigger problem. My phone buzzed unexpectedly as I was consumed by thoughts and walking far away so when I looked down on my phone to see a message from Jason, it hadn't been just one message it was at least ten unanswered ones and a missed phone call. 'I've never been this stressed before, I'm pretty sure he's gonna kill me once he sees me..' I threw my hands up in the air dramatically and started to just stand in the middle of the sidewalk waiting for my ultimate clash with rage but nothing came. Just complete silence and serenity until, "-arcus!" I heard I faint sound in the distance calling what I assumed to be my name. "Marcus!" I turned to see a furious Jason running towards me and that's when I just froze and stood with a terrified expression plastered on my face. The closer and closer he became the more terrified I started to become.

He was mere inches away from me before he tackled me to the ground and once he got me all he did was continuously yell but I wasn't sure if it was because he was pissed off about me today and ignored him or because he was worried. Either way, it wasn't that fun to be trampled on. "You're such a fucking asshole you know that right, I can't believe you just ditched me today and ignored me! You **ignored me** after I tried to talk to you about what you did in the morning but for some reason you just had to act like a pansy and just run away." He was right. I knew he was right but I chose to just ignore his words and block him out. "You're ignoring me still? Why are you so **stubborn?** " His voice was coated with anger and hatred so I looked up at him with a hurt expression and retorted back. "Well why are you always going on and on about some girl that doesn't even like you?" My voice was hoarse and coated with fury that didn't need to be there. He didn't say anything for awhile but his expression changed every few seconds, mostly he was just surprised I said anything at all. But then he laughed. He **laughed.**

"Hahaha! A-are you saying that, that I didn't know she **didn't** like me?" His words seemed sincere but they didn't quite register in my head. "Wait,  what?" I quietly spoke out and looked at him with a dumbfounded look. "Then why did you say things like that in the first place?" He simmered down a little and wiped a tear from his eye then he sighed. "'Cause, I thought it was funny at first? I guess. I'm not really sure why I continued on with it, I mean I did like Marcelle for awhile but then I just turned my attraction into a joke as I went on." Maybe I thought what he said was wrong and not something I liked because I shoved him a little and got up off the ground. "So you're saying that you having some attraction for someone is just a joke and that you'd never consider actually liking someone?" He shrugged at first then got up from his spot. "I'm not sure Mar, I mean crushes are kinda stupid anyways? I mean we're in what 11th grade and usually you just ask that person out and when you have a crush you never really get with that person and it sorta just fades away and you just leave it alone, ya know?" He looked at me innocently with a smile taking over but the words hit me hard. He just looked me up and down when he saw my expression changed from angry and confused to sad with a hint of something else he couldn't make out. "R-right.. Crushes are just stupid and they never w-work out.." I forced out a small laugh to try and convince myself not to breakdown on the sidewalk but then when he heard the quiver in my voice he stilled and looked at me.

"Are you ok? You look like absolute shit now." He reached out his hand but I just pushed it out of the way and started to walk away again but I didn't get that far this time. "Where are you going? Did I do something wrong?" I just kept walking and to my annoyance he followed. "Please stop following me.." My words were hard to say since I was trying my best to keep myself from slapping him again or crying like a child. And not the least bit surprising, I started to cry as a continuously walked. " **Why?** I came to see you for a  reason and it still hasn't been talked about, just a quick say and that's it." I turned around and stood there accepting the fact that he wouldn't go away no matter what I did or said so instead I just said whatever I wanted to at that moment because all I wanted to do was run away and never speak to him, like a child. "Yeah yeah, I'm sorry for what I did this morning and I'm sorry for ignoring you. You happy now?" I wiped my eyes with the palm of my hand and waited for his response because he hadn't said anything. Not a laugh. Not a angered expression. Just confusion spread throughout his entire face. "Are you crying? Why?" I looked him right in the eyes a stepped closer to him. "I can't tell you, so don't bother trying to ask."

"What are you talking about? You're crying and I'm worried, so just fucking tell me." 'I can't just tell you, I mean I can but what's the point if there's no reason to answer him?' Besides, it doesn't even matter now but that can't get through his thick skull for some reason so I just end up spilling out my guts. " **Fine!** I'll answer your stupid questions! I got angry this morning because I hated the way you were talking and I hated the fact you just made it seem so **obvious** that you'd actually get a  chance to have **sex** with Marcelle. I got angry and started crying because you said crushes were  pointless and stupid, so how about you keep your mouth shut and don't say things like that to someone that does have a genuine crush on someone!" I hate people. I hate feelings. I hate that I have this empty feeling that just doesn't go away. I hate it. And after I said that I was left with a bitter taste in my mouth and a strained throat. "How was I supposed to know? All you ever do is shut me out whenever we talk about things like that, and I can't help the fact that I can be a complete ass sometimes, it just happens!" I ran my hands through my hair and forced myself not to tell him more because in all honesty I was just done with his whole dense and angry facade. "You know what, I'm done with this. I'm just gonna tell you now so I can get with the teasing and mocking done and over with. So I- I well.."

********

This was harder to do than I initially thought, my hands were trembling and my face was coloring. I was terrified of what might happen. He'll probably think of it as a joke and I'd go with it or he'd never talk to me again but there was already some damage to our relationship so nothing I couldn't handle. " **Ugh**... I like you Jason, it's as simple as that. The whole thing I've been doing all day was because I was acting like a jealous and selfish prick and I was just scared that you'd hate me when I slapped and ignored you so I didn't want to anger you more by telling you the actual reason. So yeah, that's it and I'd like for you to never mention or bring this up again." I then turned around and walked at a fast pace with nothing but the twinge of fright in my stomach and my heart pounding audibly in my chest. "You're joking, right?" I heard him say in the distance but I chose not to answer it.

********

"Could you just wait for a damn second?! I'm trying to understand what you just said and you're just leaving me here, **again!** " I refused to look behind me but the only other reason I couldn't was because my eyes were glued to the ground beneath me and I was unable to look away but I did stop walking, only because my legs were reeling and I was having a hard time thinking and breathing for that matter. I felt a hand clasp my shoulder and I shuddered, I still didn't move or answer him once he did that; I was too nervous. "I'm really flattered that you feel that way about me but-" I moved away from his hand and looked back at him, he looked flustered but was saying something completely different from his expression. "-But you can't be with me or like me the same way. Yeah, I know I'm not fucking dense or small-minded." Yet again I cuss, that's irritating. "I wasn't saying you were! Stop making this a big deal, it's just the way it is!" That was the last punch to the stomach, I was completely and utterly heartbroken at that moment but even more angry. "Well fuck you! Fuck **everything** you say and do!" I turned around with a cloudy vision. "Fuck you for making me feel this way.." And I just ran like no tomorrow I didn't care what he had to say I already heard enough to realize I was stupid for falling in love with him.

********


	3. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully they get their damn shit together..
> 
>  
> 
> They do

The day I confessed was the day me and Jason stopped talking. Or at least he tried to talk to me for a week but I always pushed him away and ran away. He stopped afterwards and continued on with his life and so did I. Sometimes I would catch him looking at me and he'd look away with embarrassment while I just wish I could relish him looking at me but I just despised it. My life without Jason being there and being my best friend was.. different but I got used to it and I was still the same person just I little more sad than before but Jason was happier. Happier without me talking to him. Happier without me pestering him and being a drag. He even got a girlfriend in the past month it wasn't Marcelle but a girl I didn't know or ever see at school. I envied the fact that she made him happier than me and made him smile, I hated that she was a pretty girl that people liked and she could actually talk to them. I'm miserable and I hate being like this because of something I did.

   "Mom, I'm back." My mom had been in the kitchen writing something down quickly then looked up at me and smiled, but a sad smile was on her lips. "Marcus, what's wrong? I know I shouldn't be prying but you never told me what happened with Jason and ever since then you've been a wreck and I'm even more worried now." She wasn't wrong but the last thing I wanted to talk about was me confessing and me and him not being friends anymore but I knew that I was worrying her and I didn't want that. So I set aside the last amount of pride I had left and spoke. "Me and Jason aren't friends anymore mom, he moved on and doesn't want to speak to me," She began to get out of her seat as I continued to speak. "He has a girlfriend now, and he's happier than he ever was with me and I hate it so much mom, I hate it." She hugged me and I was overwhelmed with thoughts and comfort that I cried for the first time ever since the month me and Jason were no longer friends. "Why didn't you tell me sooner honey? And why aren't you friends, was it because of what happened that morning?" I hiccuped and just sobbed uncontrollably. Yes, I'm an eleventh grade guy crying to my mom because I lost my best friend, pretty much a toddler now. "I- I told him t-that I liked him mom and he just he reacted so badly to it. He didn't say it was gross or anything but he treated my feelings as if they weren't important or a big deal and I just lost it." 

  I felt her body tense up and then I realized what I had just said. 'Please don't freak out..' She calmly breathed in then out and put me at a safe distance. "Well, I wasn't expecting this but at least he didn't harm you physically." I searched her eyes to see if disgust filled them but I couldn't see any trace of it to my surprise. "Wait, so you aren't mad about me being you know.. attracted to guys and stuff?" She tilted her head to the side in a confused manner when I said that. "Mad? Why would I be mad? Just because you like the same gender doesn't mean I think less of you. I mean you're my son and I just was more worried about you being sad than your sexuality." I smile spread across my face and it was the first time I genuinely smiled in awhile. It felt nice. "Mom, I'm so happy that I told you even if it was because I said it for a different reason.." I reached down and held one of her hands and squeezed it like if it was some sort of way to calm myself. "I can't believe he did that, that just makes me furious! Are you sure he never tried to talk to you afterwards?" I let go of her hand and laughed nervously shifting my eyes to the ground. "Marcus Barl.. Did he?" I slowly nodded my head only to hear her place her head in her hand and sigh. "I know you probably don't want to do this honey, but I think you need to talk to him and give him a chance to fully explain himself. I mean you have given him a lot of time to think about it, and hopefully he has cause I **swear**.." 

  "Mom, I know I should go talk to him but the reason I've been avoiding it is because I'm scared he'll just pretend it never happened or he'll get angry and just tell me to leave. I'm terrified.." She placed a soft hand to my head and looked me with a serious expression. "Look, if he wants to avoid this because he doesn't want to deal with it or deal with you for that matter then that's his fault but if he wants to talk to you and you avoid him then he'll start to lose confidence in himself and in your relationship and that's when he'll start to fully slip away so please try and talk to him and if he won't listen to him then you go from there and you either try again or give up." I groaned and looked up to the ceiling then placed my hands on my face and just looked into the palms of them. "I hope I don't get murdered or somethin'.." I ruffled my hair and slipped on my shoes and readied myself to be greeted with doom. "Bye mom, I'll see you soon! Hopefully.." She was going to stop me and I could tell but she let me go with tenseness filling the void in my stomach as I made my way to Jason's house.

  I kept biting down on my nails as I came closer and closer to his street and I was regretting it. 'He'll probably slam the door in my face or punch me..' I grumbled to myself with each step. Step.. Step.. Step.. my shoes made a small noise every time I placed my foot to the ground and just as I was about to be right at his house I saw a girl leaving it. 'Oh **great**.. What perfect timing..'  I stared intensely as I watched them interact at the door while I just stood there on the cracked sidewalk with sweat and as my heart started to palpitate. I stepped a little closer to see them better so I could make out when she was actually leaving but as I did I watched them share a sweet kiss and that was it for me to start running because I knew I had no chance to be with him like that or to ignore my feelings and back to us being best friends because I just knew it was a mistake to confess and to just ruin the bond we already had but as I realized I wasn't running, I instead had walked right past his house for some odd reason and then it clicked in my head that I had to run because I knew for a fact already saw me. 

 

  "So, I hope you didn't mind studying with me babe cause I know that it's not the funnest thing for you to do." She rolled her eyes at me with a smile plastered on her face. "Right.. I had fun today because I actually got you to study! Pfft, but yeah how about we hang out tomorrow or something?" I smiled back at her and gave her a playful smirk. "Yeah, let's hang out tomorrow." And before she left she gave me a small kiss and smiled afterwards but before she stepped off of the porch and left, she instead made her focus onto someone passing by in a strange manner. "Isn't that one of your friends?" She pointed towards the dark haired guy walking by nervously and gently squeezing his arm in the process. Wait is that..? "Sorry, but I'll be going now. Sorry, again!" And before I knew it my feet ran past jumped off the porch and ran onto the sidewalk on their own.

 

  I kept running away till I saw a street sign come into view and a wave of relief hit me because I could get lost into the different streets and if Jason had in fact saw me he wouldn't find me and before I reached the sign a sudden pull of my arm had cracked me out of my fantasy of being fine. "Jason..?" The grip on my arm tightened at the sudden voice that spoke his name and I didn't want to turn around and face a guy I haven't talked to in over a month. "Can you let go.." I tried to pull away but I guess I wasn't telling myself to leave because my feet were still sturdy and stuck in place. "No. I need to talk to you and I don't need you running away again." I tinge of color spread throughout my face and I didn't resist him and make my way out of the situation but my mouth still wouldn't still. "Don't you have a girlfriend to get back to? She's probably waiting for you and wondering where you went.." I noticed his body shifted to face me so I put my head down and started counting the many cracks in the cement. "What? You mean Shirley? She was just leaving, and yeah she's important, but once I saw you running by I guess I made my way towards you in a blank state of mind." I looked up at him and smiled to myself as I watched him ramble on because I honestly really liked when he rambled, it was nice. "Hey, look you're smiling! And you're around me which is always nice to see but anyways, I do need to talk to you." I straightened up and tried to make eye contact with him but he didn't seem to notice and continued to talk. 

  "Ever since the whole incident that happened a month ago.. I've been a mess, to put it simply. It was weird not having you around or talk to me and at first I was angry at you because you said things like that when we were fighting and shit, but then I made it worse by saying some things I really felt guilty for and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for saying those things, really." I raised my head and was about to speak before he placed a hand in front of me telling me to stay silent a little more. "And the whole girlfriend thing, well it wasn't really my idea. A friend of mine told me to go find someone else because it'd make me feel better and it did for a little bit but whenever I saw you I just started to feel sad and guilty. I missed you honestly. And it sounds weird, I know, but I did and I hated that it took me this long to wrap my head around the whole thing but I'll tell you now," I gave him a curious look with hopefulness glazing my eyes. "So, I'm not so sure if I have feelings or not for you but I do know that I at least have some sort of more platonic attraction to you? If that makes any sense." He let out a genuine laugh that sent my face into a flame and made me way too overjoyed. "Are you just messing with me?" I said with a small voice as I looked up at him once more but with more expectancy than before. "I would never mess with you about this sort of thing, I promise." I slipped my arm out of his grip and instead slipped my hand into his watching as a smiled made it's way to both of our lips. I was ecstatic at how happy it made me feel to just stand there without an awkward or nervous atmosphere. "Wait, what about your girlfriend? I hadn't realized this until now, you're still dating someone!" I waved waved my free hand in between both of us with my face becoming a brighter shade. "I'm sorry about that.." I let go of his hand giving him an awkward smile before he pulled it back quick and effortlessly.

  "Look, I know you saw us kissing back there and stuff but we kind of already talked about breaking up beforehand because she just does't really like me or see me as a romantic interest so that was kind of a breakup kiss? I'm not sure exactly what it was but once it's figured out how about we hangout at some point and just catch up cause I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything I'm just being cautio-" I placed my hand over his mouth and just started laughing. "Please, stop talking, I know what you're getting at so it's fine for you to stop but maybe I should just keep my hand here just in case.." I gave him a playful smile and watched his eyes fill with the same glint of playfulness because at that moment I either felt him kiss my hand or lick it but I reacted with the second one. "Hey! Don't do that," I retracted my hand instantly and wiped my palm on his shirt. "There you go, now we're even." He looked at me for a moment and then spoke. "Sorry for doing this but you have to take chances sometimes." I gave him a confused furrow. "What are you talking abou-" I felt his hand graze my cheek as he slowly lifted my head and his lips came into contact with mine, slowly gaining pressure each passing second. 'Am I really standing here, right now, having this guy kiss me?!' I don't know what to do, I still feel like I shouldn't kiss him back cause of him still being with his girlfriend so I don't. But he noticed it and broke away only being an inch or two from my face, breathing slowly, which had looked dumbfounded and flushed. "You know you can kiss me back if you want, just saying." I came back into reality and awkwardly placed my hands on both sides of his face and kissed him in such an aggravating and hilarious way that made him laugh through it. And even though I was the only one embarrassed at the time I still had probably been the happiest at that point in time when we casually moved further in and made no change with anything and just stood there silently and breathing steady. I knew that I was finally happy and that I was no longer feeling that terrible pit in the bottom of my stomach. 

  He pulled away and stared at me lovingly but ruined the moment when his mouth decided to commentate, "Do you think I can get lucky now?~" I groaned with a smile forming on my lips and just casually walked away, hearing him call after me. "Hey! I was just joking! Wait!"


End file.
